Archive for March, 2009

March 18, 2009

blind date

by badmammy

 

friends!

friends!

Yesterday I had the greatest day! The weather was absolutely beyond beautiful. I got to drive from one end of Rio Grande to the other, starting near Alameda. One of my favorite drives. The speed limit is 25 miles an hour, strictly enforced. Creeping along at 24, I passed 2 electronic fancy machinery things that told me my speed & saw a cop lurking alongside the road. I found myself hoping that the cop wasn’t looking at me. Not because of my speed; I had a line of cars slowed  behind me (and who were now thanking God that I was in front of them causing them to slow down when just moments before they were cussin me, but I digress . . .). Nope, not about the speed this time. The truth is that I was weaving all over the road.
Everything was so beautiful &  perfect. I couldn’t help but try to take it in. All of the fruit trees are flowering in pinks & whites.  Horses standing around. Flooded fields full of ducks. There was a lot of catching up to do. I had to check out all of my favorite “spreads” for updates plus there were all of the new places to inspect. The greens of newly budded tress stood out against the sky.
I laughed at myself for getting that little knot in the gut when I saw the cop. Cops usually don’t do that to me anymore. No sir, not like they once did. I was a little nervous to begin with.
I was on my way to meet one of my DCF friends in person. It  made me kind of anxious. I don’t know why. I mean, I knew that I was going to like her because I already did. I was looking forward to it.
It was just that it was my first time. I’ve met several DCFers but always in a group. Plus, the whole reason for our meeting was so that she could show me some of the finer points of wordpress. I was packin. I was going to be one of those people in coffee shops that I used to watch & wonder what was so important. I had my laptop with me.
The instant I met her I fell in love. I knew she was one of “us”. We spent the entire afternoon laughing, talking & eating. I even learned a few things. It was so fun to meet a kindred soul but yet she’s done & seen such a different life than mine. Very, very interesting. The time flew by. It was just such fun. We’re even going to do it again.

 

Today is another glorious day. Uno & I are going to go find some sunshine.
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March 11, 2009

Only Uno Knows

by badmammy

 

I can't help it you don't get it.

I can't help it you don't get it.

Some really strange things have been going on around here. We are living through & experiencing some dang turbulence right now. We all just need to relax a little bit & keep the faith during these times. I mean I got no clue as to any specifics of what’s happening or what will happen & I don’t need to, all that I know & feel comes from the change of smells & energy.

I have to do my best for my peeps now so I am laying out a hopeful sign to show them. I put signals everywhere in their bedroom but to no avail. My parents must be blind or something. I mean, badmamm is finally gettin it, part of it anyway. Finally!

still chewing on the third one & contemplating placement

still chewing on the third one & contemplating placement

See, it’s like this . . . . . I have three different bones going at any one time. These bones are magic,  sacred runes that I arrange in the night into patterns that come to me in dreams.  I only chew my bones in the ‘rents bedroom & then only when the folks are there. Plus, I try my best to keep these bones where I know they walk & they will find them. Good plan, huh? Not for these two. BM usually just silently limps back to bed but you oughta hear Big Daddy when he finds one in the dark. (Earmuffs, kids)

I’m giving you a sign here people. Read the bones. Don’t just kick them away. 

 

I am one of only a few who have sent away for their bone interpretation certificate over the innanet. I’m bone fide, you might say. I have also built upon these studies & am quite proficient in many “bone tossing” or “throwin the bones” techniques. I make a fairly good living by being an expert witness in court.

the finally assemblage for Wednesday, March 11, 2009

the finally assemblage for Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Anyway, BM is starting to get hip & at least takes a picture every morning so she can study it. I overheard her & BD talking about it. She is also horrified at the state of her carpet. While I am not directly involved I can tell you that lots of dogs have come & gone around here. BM & BD have raised several service dog puppies & they also doggie sit some other dogs once in awhile. Each spot on the carpet is the result of a different type of spot remover. BM’s scientific experiment. The one of them that worked the best also took the color out of the carpet, leaving BM with what she calls the cougar effect. 

BM & BD say they are gonna rip that nasty carpet out when it warms up a bit more. It is one of the last places they have carpet left. Hah! They don’t even do it themselves. They call Sonny Boy & the Rajin Cajun & they come do it. bada bing, bada boom, gone.

why's she always wantin me to look at her & smile?

why's she always wantin me to look at her & smile?

Anyway, that’s it for today. I almost got to go on a car ride but BM’s car won’t start cuz she let it sit too long. She knew all day yesterday that she needed to go out & at least start the dang thing & take me around the block but, nnnoooo, She takes off with her friend to said friend’s doctor appointment so BM can push “the baby” in the stroller while Mommy is in the office. 

In the meantime, I’ll give you a hint about today’s bone interpretation. If we stick together, we can & will make it.

March 8, 2009

cookies!

by badmammy

 

aahhh, thin mints

aahhh, thin mints

Yep, it’s that time of year again folks! Sping is in the air, some of the fruit trees have flowered and everyone in town has itchy eyes & runny noses. You can feel the energy building. We all know that summer is nigh. Yahoooo! But the real excitement around this house is. . . . (drum roll, please) . . . (wait for it) . . . COOKIES!!

Due to the evildoers that prevent Girl Scouts from roaming freely from house to house these days, the poor scouts are now huddled en masse  at all of  most public venues, the grocery stores, strip centers & the malls. They crowd around (but are careful not to block) the entrances with rickety card tables full of pyramids of cookie boxes while the parents make change & encourage the girls to “speak up” “now, that’s three boxes, how much does she owe?” “okay, now give her the change. She gave you a twenty so how much do you owe her?”.  Taking advantage of  all those teaching moments, in that voice. That voice. For some reason it bugs me.

I suppose I could lament the “good old days” when each scout was given a minimum number of boxes to sell & the girl who sold the most boxes would win fabulous prizes. I don’t remember what the prizes were because I never got near them. I had a few neighbors, grandparents, aunts, uncles & parents that I signed up but that was about it. You had to go around getting “orders” from people then distribute the cookies & collect. It was fund raising plus teaching us all that stuff like arithmetic, legible handwriting, accounting, you get it. Seems like mine was always a mess & never came out even. Besides, winning would have involved me “putting myself out there”  & approaching people & homes I did not know. I wanted the prizes but not enough to work for them or go after them. Also, my parents were either not involved or maintaining the least contact with the whole mess as possible. I didn’t know that parents cared about kids activities.

I look at the girls. Girls! What a delightful word. So young & fun. Innocence, not yet jaded. Their whole lives stretch out before them & they don’t even know it; shouldn’t know it. I look at them. They make me smile. It would take a cold, cold heart to look at this bunch & not believe in a beautiful future. There are enough bracelets, necklaces, hair bobbies & accessories to open a boutique. One shuffles in her flowered & beaded flip flops. There are whispers in ears, hands covering mouth, giggles. Beginning their struggle & dance with identity & separation. 

I silently offer up a prayer for these girls. I pray that some sense of wonder stays with them, that they always feel free & safe like they (I hope) do now. It’s a lot to ask for, I know. I also say a prayer of thankfullness from me for the joy I feel looking these girls.

I load up on my cookies. Two boxes of thin mints, one of the chocolate stripes, & a new variety, to me anyway, named Thank You. I am thrilling on my cookies.

March 7, 2009

blow man blow

by badmammy

 

cooleroo down

cooleroo down

Well, it was windy as all heck yesterday & last night  & the cooleroo lost two anchors. This morning the sun was screaming in the windows without the benefit of the roo, as we like to call it. The roo is a large shade like dealie that we have over our side patio to block some of the burning rays of New Mexico sun. It’s early here so not too cooked up in the livey yet. (that means living room, for you newbies) Uno, the wonder dog, & I are soaking it up.

The sun is a nice break from the wind. Wind gives Uno the jits. I think it may be due (in part) to the fact the we have stuff hanging everywhere & it all moves in the wind. Some of them make noise. We look straight out at the cooleroo area when we are hanging around the house. That  roo can really get going sometimes. Up & down. Flappity flap. It had to have been really windy last night to blow out two anchors. 

I went out into the gale last night to catch the loose corners & bungee cord them to the window frame so no windows would be broken. The corners that blew were not next to each other, they were across from each other. When I bungeed it to the window it made a triangle sail. It looked kinda cool to me but still moved & Uno voted to go back into the house, shut the door & have a schnackie. Uno usually gets her way.

This morning, after a couple a cups a tea, the man will get the ladder out of the garage (a major undertaking alone), climb onto the roof & put his system of bolts, s hooks & wire to rights. We will have light  but not direct sun. In the meantime Uno & I soak it up.

 

March 5, 2009

word

by badmammy

Word
February 9, 2009

I love the way words sing. Always have. I believe the music is in the way people use them. Proper pronunciation, usage & grammar is not required nor encouraged. Sometimes it’s even scoffed at. It’s boring. The worst grade I got in college was in advanced grammar. Not very encouraging to an English major.
I am not advocating skipping school. I believe you have to know the rules to break them.
I also love to cuss. I know a lot of folks think that cussing is for those with a small, uninventive vocabulary but I don’t care what they think. A real pro can string together a line of cuss words that sounds like poetry.

I still cuss up a storm and I know a lot of other words. Big words, little words. Heck, I even make up my own, mostly unintentional.

I was raised that way. Every family has their own language. Mine elevated it to an art form. My Mother was unparalleled when it came to the bon mots & she didn’t even have a clue what a bon mot is. She (& my Dad too) were regular Yogi Berra’s.

A couple of my favs from my Mother:

“when I die I want to be cre-ated.” She was from West Texas & drawled with the best of ‘em. Every single word she knew had at least two syllables. I thought “cre-ated” was a beaut! It is the most connected, spiritual word I’ve ever heard for death.

Another time she was telling my son & I about friends of hers who were looking for land to build a business on. They had found a couple of places, one they really loved but they couldn’t build there because an advisor told them there had been a “Indian masquerade” there & the land was hexed. No business on that land would ever succeed.

Man, she was always good for a laugh.

Nobody could suck you into a joke like my Dad. Even when you knew he was doing it, you still fell in. When he said he “ran into this ole boy the other day” you knew you were going on a trip. It was always fun to watch him work it on somebody new.

The whole family I grew up in, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, you name it, was & are funny. We had all kinds. Some were a histerical riot while others were so dry you needed a glass of water when they got through with you. Either way, we laughed until we fell down, crying “stop, just stop”. We’d slap out knees & wet our pants. One time, after relating a laugh filled adventure my Grandmother said, with a perfectly straight face & a dry drawl, “Law, we like ta beat ourselves to death over that one”.

Even the folks that married into the family are funny. My sister-in-law, Renie, is as funny as they come without even knowing it. And then that makes it even funnier. We get started telling each other something & winding up cracking ourselves up so hard we can’t finish the story. We are used to people looking at us like we’d lost our minds. One time Renie & I had cracked ourselves up so bad that we were hanging onto the walls to keep from falling down. We had just left the dineing room on a cruise. We finally got ourselves somewhat under control (with great effort) when some people walking by said “what’s so funny?” & set us off again. I fell down & couldn’t breathe. They finally left.

My son’s wife, Shelly, can mangle the language like nobody’s business. I knew we were in for it when my son said, before introducing her to the family, “she kinda reminds me of Grandma. You know…the way she talks”. That crazy beautiful Cajun girl fits right in.

If I ever had to name the one thing that has gotten me this far in life, my biggest asset, I know instantly that it is my sense of humor.

March 5, 2009

just trying

by badmammy

Bad Mammy’s Blues
February 7, 2009
the blues is a happy feeling

First of all, right off the bat, let’s get one thing out of the way. I mean absolutely no offense & none should be taken, by the word “mammy”. I call myself Bad Mammy because I like the words. I attach no negativity. I mean no harm.
It all started several years ago when I was telling my man about how much I loved the demolition derby & still had childhood dreams of driving in one. We were laughing & coming up with all kinds of hilarious stuff (to us anyway) about it. He would be my pit boss, I would drive a pink car with hot pink flames, number 13. I’d go out there in my pink fuzzy slippers & pink robe. My helmet would be covered in some kind of ratty ass wig with pink foam curlers in it. We were really rolling. Sponsored by feminine products, kotex with wings, vajayjay springtime fresh sprays & so on. I’d become a champion of the ring. I would be Bad. “I dreamed I won the demolition derby in my Maidenform bra”.
Then we had to decide my professional name. The man suggested “team MeeMaw”. Now, meemaw is a common term of affection in the south & one that I think is funny as heck. I’ve been known to call somebody meemaw when they are acting old or broke down. A kind of “go, Granny, go” thing. The problem is that while I may toss the word around without a care, I hate being called meemaw. It makes my skin crawl. No effin (as is so pc to say these days) way! No. No. No.
No, I said, I will be Bad Mammy. Thus, my empire was born. I still don’t have my car or sponsors but I do have my name. I’m keepin it.
I guess I could go by my initials, BM. It reminds me of what my mother always said. . . . “My tummy hurts.” “Did you have a BM today?” I’m not crazy about being called BM but if that is what happens, so be it. I will admit to being full of shit most of the time.
If you’re going to dish it out, you gotta take it. Besides, anything is better than Meemaw. Also, I love a good laugh. If it has to be at my expense, so what? It’s still funny. I’ll laugh at you, I’ll laugh at myself. It’s all the same. Funny is funny, regardless.

March 5, 2009

dang!

by badmammy

Am I really here, alive & bloggin??  Welcome to a whole new world.

Now, let’s have some fun. 

Please leave me a comment, let me know you were here & what you think. I want you to feel free to be brutally honest.

And, somehow, knowing you, I believe you will. 

tater love

tater love

March 5, 2009

Hello world!

by badmammy