Archive for March 5th, 2009

March 5, 2009

word

by badmammy

Word
February 9, 2009

I love the way words sing. Always have. I believe the music is in the way people use them. Proper pronunciation, usage & grammar is not required nor encouraged. Sometimes it’s even scoffed at. It’s boring. The worst grade I got in college was in advanced grammar. Not very encouraging to an English major.
I am not advocating skipping school. I believe you have to know the rules to break them.
I also love to cuss. I know a lot of folks think that cussing is for those with a small, uninventive vocabulary but I don’t care what they think. A real pro can string together a line of cuss words that sounds like poetry.

I still cuss up a storm and I know a lot of other words. Big words, little words. Heck, I even make up my own, mostly unintentional.

I was raised that way. Every family has their own language. Mine elevated it to an art form. My Mother was unparalleled when it came to the bon mots & she didn’t even have a clue what a bon mot is. She (& my Dad too) were regular Yogi Berra’s.

A couple of my favs from my Mother:

“when I die I want to be cre-ated.” She was from West Texas & drawled with the best of ‘em. Every single word she knew had at least two syllables. I thought “cre-ated” was a beaut! It is the most connected, spiritual word I’ve ever heard for death.

Another time she was telling my son & I about friends of hers who were looking for land to build a business on. They had found a couple of places, one they really loved but they couldn’t build there because an advisor told them there had been a “Indian masquerade” there & the land was hexed. No business on that land would ever succeed.

Man, she was always good for a laugh.

Nobody could suck you into a joke like my Dad. Even when you knew he was doing it, you still fell in. When he said he “ran into this ole boy the other day” you knew you were going on a trip. It was always fun to watch him work it on somebody new.

The whole family I grew up in, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, you name it, was & are funny. We had all kinds. Some were a histerical riot while others were so dry you needed a glass of water when they got through with you. Either way, we laughed until we fell down, crying “stop, just stop”. We’d slap out knees & wet our pants. One time, after relating a laugh filled adventure my Grandmother said, with a perfectly straight face & a dry drawl, “Law, we like ta beat ourselves to death over that one”.

Even the folks that married into the family are funny. My sister-in-law, Renie, is as funny as they come without even knowing it. And then that makes it even funnier. We get started telling each other something & winding up cracking ourselves up so hard we can’t finish the story. We are used to people looking at us like we’d lost our minds. One time Renie & I had cracked ourselves up so bad that we were hanging onto the walls to keep from falling down. We had just left the dineing room on a cruise. We finally got ourselves somewhat under control (with great effort) when some people walking by said “what’s so funny?” & set us off again. I fell down & couldn’t breathe. They finally left.

My son’s wife, Shelly, can mangle the language like nobody’s business. I knew we were in for it when my son said, before introducing her to the family, “she kinda reminds me of Grandma. You know…the way she talks”. That crazy beautiful Cajun girl fits right in.

If I ever had to name the one thing that has gotten me this far in life, my biggest asset, I know instantly that it is my sense of humor.

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March 5, 2009

just trying

by badmammy

Bad Mammy’s Blues
February 7, 2009
the blues is a happy feeling

First of all, right off the bat, let’s get one thing out of the way. I mean absolutely no offense & none should be taken, by the word “mammy”. I call myself Bad Mammy because I like the words. I attach no negativity. I mean no harm.
It all started several years ago when I was telling my man about how much I loved the demolition derby & still had childhood dreams of driving in one. We were laughing & coming up with all kinds of hilarious stuff (to us anyway) about it. He would be my pit boss, I would drive a pink car with hot pink flames, number 13. I’d go out there in my pink fuzzy slippers & pink robe. My helmet would be covered in some kind of ratty ass wig with pink foam curlers in it. We were really rolling. Sponsored by feminine products, kotex with wings, vajayjay springtime fresh sprays & so on. I’d become a champion of the ring. I would be Bad. “I dreamed I won the demolition derby in my Maidenform bra”.
Then we had to decide my professional name. The man suggested “team MeeMaw”. Now, meemaw is a common term of affection in the south & one that I think is funny as heck. I’ve been known to call somebody meemaw when they are acting old or broke down. A kind of “go, Granny, go” thing. The problem is that while I may toss the word around without a care, I hate being called meemaw. It makes my skin crawl. No effin (as is so pc to say these days) way! No. No. No.
No, I said, I will be Bad Mammy. Thus, my empire was born. I still don’t have my car or sponsors but I do have my name. I’m keepin it.
I guess I could go by my initials, BM. It reminds me of what my mother always said. . . . “My tummy hurts.” “Did you have a BM today?” I’m not crazy about being called BM but if that is what happens, so be it. I will admit to being full of shit most of the time.
If you’re going to dish it out, you gotta take it. Besides, anything is better than Meemaw. Also, I love a good laugh. If it has to be at my expense, so what? It’s still funny. I’ll laugh at you, I’ll laugh at myself. It’s all the same. Funny is funny, regardless.

March 5, 2009

dang!

by badmammy

Am I really here, alive & bloggin??  Welcome to a whole new world.

Now, let’s have some fun. 

Please leave me a comment, let me know you were here & what you think. I want you to feel free to be brutally honest.

And, somehow, knowing you, I believe you will. 

tater love

tater love

March 5, 2009

Hello world!

by badmammy