just trying

by badmammy

Bad Mammy’s Blues
February 7, 2009
the blues is a happy feeling

First of all, right off the bat, let’s get one thing out of the way. I mean absolutely no offense & none should be taken, by the word “mammy”. I call myself Bad Mammy because I like the words. I attach no negativity. I mean no harm.
It all started several years ago when I was telling my man about how much I loved the demolition derby & still had childhood dreams of driving in one. We were laughing & coming up with all kinds of hilarious stuff (to us anyway) about it. He would be my pit boss, I would drive a pink car with hot pink flames, number 13. I’d go out there in my pink fuzzy slippers & pink robe. My helmet would be covered in some kind of ratty ass wig with pink foam curlers in it. We were really rolling. Sponsored by feminine products, kotex with wings, vajayjay springtime fresh sprays & so on. I’d become a champion of the ring. I would be Bad. “I dreamed I won the demolition derby in my Maidenform bra”.
Then we had to decide my professional name. The man suggested “team MeeMaw”. Now, meemaw is a common term of affection in the south & one that I think is funny as heck. I’ve been known to call somebody meemaw when they are acting old or broke down. A kind of “go, Granny, go” thing. The problem is that while I may toss the word around without a care, I hate being called meemaw. It makes my skin crawl. No effin (as is so pc to say these days) way! No. No. No.
No, I said, I will be Bad Mammy. Thus, my empire was born. I still don’t have my car or sponsors but I do have my name. I’m keepin it.
I guess I could go by my initials, BM. It reminds me of what my mother always said. . . . “My tummy hurts.” “Did you have a BM today?” I’m not crazy about being called BM but if that is what happens, so be it. I will admit to being full of shit most of the time.
If you’re going to dish it out, you gotta take it. Besides, anything is better than Meemaw. Also, I love a good laugh. If it has to be at my expense, so what? It’s still funny. I’ll laugh at you, I’ll laugh at myself. It’s all the same. Funny is funny, regardless.

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