Archive for February, 2010

February 21, 2010

still workin’ it

by badmammy

where are my Ruffles with Ridges?

and the beat goes on; the beat goes on . . . . . . We continue to march with that beat toward the future, hopefully, in better shape & able to go further. Left, right, left, right, hut! Moving more, stretching, all that good stuff. We’re still on the famous “diet”. Some folks take issue with this fad diet or that fad diet & indeed, I am one of them. I don’t think fads are going to work without you seriously changin your ways, once & for all. And, then, it’s not a fad. I’ve seen a lot of folks lose a lot of weight only to have it jump back on with a vengeance once the diet is over. You can’t go back to your old ways. God know, lots of us have tried & every single one failed. I also tried the “well, I’m working out so I can eat what I want” plan, which doesn’t work either.

Choosing a diet or meal plan takes an investment on your part to work. We looked at what we were eating. We cussed & discussed all that & came up with the realization that carbs are a major problem for us, and with me there is also severe sugar addiction. We decided to try a modified Atkins approach for at least the first two weeks then take it from there. I always have to throw in the modifier “modified” when saying Atkins. I was one of the loudest screechers when folks talked about Atkins. It obviously worked. I saw several folks shrink in what seemed like no time. True to form, I never researched exactly what it entailed; just immediately started in with “how can it be healthy to eat a side of beef for breakfast with hardly any fruits or veggies?” “Are you serious, you had pigskins for lunch?”. I was proud of them for doing something but, hey, I’m not THAT fat, right? Ah yes, all the shit we can tell ourselves. I mocked what I did not understand, thereby calling it straight into my life. I was also jealous that they were doing something I couldn’t. I just wouldn’t admit that part. But, the fact was, here was someone in front of me, doing something about their weight. Shame heaped on a few more pounds until both BD & I decided that something must be done so that we can live together & have fun longer. That brought on the first round of our proposed lifestyle changes; the two week diet challenge.

Almost three weeks later brings us to today. We bought the food, Big Daddy cooked, we ate. We started to feel good. The first couple of days were hard in that we had habits that made us reach for something we really didn’t need or didn’t contribute to our health. We toughed it through. But, dang, it took several days & a couple of boxes of “Atkins” bars for me to get over wanting to cry for some ice cream. Sugar free popsicles saved the day. They are a raggety substitute but they sorta work. When I hit the magic number goal that I set for myself, I am going to have some candy. I am one pound away. One pound away from a candy bar, chocolate. Have been for two days! I’m not one pound from a good weight for me, got a ways to go on that, but I am one pound away from a goal that looked far away at one time.

We’ve noticed lately that what once looked like a good start on a meal now looks like too much. I have lost some of my anxiety about food. I don’t feel the need to cram as much as I can into my mouth at once as often as I used to. I can leave some for the next bite. We’ve also noticed that we are chewing slower. We feel lighter. We’ve both lost some weight. I keep my water jug filled & take it everywhere. A cup of tea in the morning & water the rest of the time. Not even fruit juice. Not even Orangina!!

We like the way we are feeling & are still downloading new recipies. We are adding in more veggies & I’m eating a little fruit. We’re still going to stay with it. I feel like we’ve regained some control over our lives by controlling our eating. You know it’s never just one thing. We feel better, we do more, we’re more active, we feel better.

February 13, 2010

open letter to jerry seinfield

by badmammy

Dear Jerry Seinfield,

About the upcoming new show, the marriage refs . . . . .  I write to you out of love & concern for Kelly Ripa. That girl has almost as many jobs as Al Roker. She also has a preteen child. She needs to spend more time at home. Trust me, I’ve raised a kid. Mostly on my own & with no money. Surely, between her & her husband’s various enterprises, they do all right. I say give the girl a rest & hire me. I’m as opinionated as anyone you’ll ever meet. I specialize in unsolicited advice but also give great counsel when asked. I keep secrets.  I know I’m a little older than Kelly & will never, ever have arms like hers, but perhaps that is exactly what you need . . . . . some one who has been divorced twice, fell madly in love with the wrong soul mate more than a few times, was needy & crazy & worked through it, attended to both my parents deaths. I’ve certainly got a different perspective on life, love & loss than I did when I was young. I was opinionated then, too. I’ve got some gray hair now that I refuse to color. I earned them. I tell my son his name is on each one, but will privately admit to putting some of there myself with my own behavior (but not in front of the kid).

Anyway, let me know so I can start working out.


February 13, 2010

love, love, love

by badmammy

Oh boy! Am I ever glad it’s Friday! I don’t know why I say that, the days don’t really mean what they used to. It’s not like the weekends are that big of a deal anymore. I only work two days a week, not much of a grind. The days zip by so fast no matter what I’m doing. It’s amazing. They slide, one into the other & the next thing you know . . . . Like rolling downhill, the further you go the faster you go. Time flies.

Funny how things change. We used to live for Friday & Saturday nights. Ahhhhh, sweet youth. Out on the weekends, smokin, drinkin, dancin & chasin boys. And a Friday or Saturday night at home alone was a curse. A fate worse than death, to be avoided at all costs. Now I love staying home, doesn’t matter if it’s day or night, don’t care what month it is. Weather does not affect me.

disclaimer: I’m pretty much of a hermit anyway. When I’m at home it never occurs to me to go somewhere. I’d rather take a beatin than shop. Out of salt? We eat too much salt anyway, don’t need it. Driving around running errands, getting in & out of the car, lays me out. I guess it’s because when I was five I had Rheumatic Fever & was sick for a long time. I didn’t start second grade until after Christmas. The only thing I could do was lay around & read & that is still my favorite thing to do. I learned to live inside my head, where it is quite comfortable & the people know me.

Anyway, I’m thrilling on today being Friday. The sun is out, the sky is blue. NASCAR starts this weekend. Life is good. The Winter Olympics start tonight with the big opening ceremony, live from Canada.

Not only is Sunday the Daytona 500, it is also Valentine’s Day. Another day that has sort of slid out of  urgency & drama for me. I’ve turned into a cynic in my old age. I still believe in love, sweet love, don’t get me wrong. And it is kind of fun to have a day devoted to it. It is also a shame that we have to have an official day to share the love. It’s a day of pressure. No man wants to be the husband or boyfriend of the only woman in the office without flowers. I don’t want flowers this weekend. I want them some other time. Sometime when it doesn’t feel forced or like an obligation. Valentines are great but, really, don’t we all want to be the girl in the office who gets flowers for no reason?

I’m one of the lucky ones. I have a man in my life who lets me know that I am loved each & every day. We show our affection for each other by treating each other with respect & kindness. We say “I love you” a lot, too, & there’s plenty of huggin & kissin, but to me nothing says love like when he fixes dinner or brings me a cup of tea. I can literally swoon over a cleaned up bathroom or a vacuumed floor. It’s all those little everyday things that add up to big true love. It’s not one day.

Yep, I’ve got it made. No matter what day it is I still melt looking deep into those green eyes.

February 10, 2010

still hangin in there

by badmammy

The diet? It’s going all right. We are sticking to it. It’s a “lifestyle change”, not just a diet. We’re well into the 2 week jump start without any cheats or falling off the wagon. (at least for BD. I ate cereal a couple of the first days of the program) I don’t know what happens next. A gradual reintroduction to carbs, I guess. Damn those carbs, anyway. It seems like the only foods I like are full of carbs. Even fruit & vegetables. I sure do miss my sweets. Even sugar free bubble gum has carbs.

We’ve been downloading recipes & buying only the groceries we need. The recipes are for two people. BD cooks it up, we split it & eat it. No big vats of spaghetti sauce for us. Just enough food for one meal. Eating just what we cook & not eating until I am stuffed has been hard for me.  Well, it has taken some getting used to. I was used to that packed out feeling. The Carbo Coma, one friend called it. Also, not grabbing a snack here & there is tough. It is just a matter of changing habits. We try to stay busy with other stuff. Being more active is a large part of the new master plan. It’s so easy to be a slug when it’s cold outside. BD is still working his stretch bands & I’m doing the doggie agility, plus actually trying to clean house more often. (HAH!) The other day some videos appeared. BD had been Goodwill Hunting again. They have titles like “Tae Bo”,  “Firm your ABs in 20 Minutes” &, my favorite, “Stretching for Seniors”. We watched Tae Bo just to see if it worked but haven’t stretched the seniors yet.

After watching Dr Oz on Oprah talk about sugar & what it does to our insides, I was scared to pieces. That plus the effect belly fat has on our health; strokes, diabetes, heart disease. Now that I’m a little older I am not feeling as bulletproof as I used to. It would be a shame to die of something preventable.

I know I always say either enjoy your bad habits or quit them. And enjoy my vices, I do. And obviously have. But some of these vices have begun to add up. And up. And up. So. it was time to give some of them a rest. Plus, being overweight is just plain uncomfortable.  Not fun anymore to drink & eat everything in sight. Hopefully, my taster buds are changing.

It’s also embarrassing to be fat. I try to be comfortable & secure within myself no matter what size I am. Yeah, yeah, it’’s what’s inside that counts. We all know that. But let’s face it, trying to cram your big ass into a little space in front of strangers is awful. Even worse in front of family & friends.

A friend of mine has recently put on some weight, enough to make me stifle a scream when I noticed. I was astounded but certainly didn’t want to say anything. No body needs to have it pointed out to them that they’ve gotten fat; they know. Trust me, they know. I had a lot to think about that day. What I was feeling must be similar to what my friends & family felt as they watched me balloon. I realized how much love I am surrounded by from folks that only want the best for me;  folks that love me enough to be supportive when I need it & butt out when I don’t. They loved me anyway. I know all of them would rather see me healthy but they left me alone. I also know that leaving  something like that alone is hard. When I wanted to talk about it, they listened. When I didn’t, they shut up.

For me, being overweight screams to the world that I’ve stopped caring about myself. The self love thing has been a tough one for me for as long as I can remember. I felt fat & ugly at 130 lbs & wouldn’t wear a swimsuit because someone might see my huge thighs. I feel more secure about myself now than I did when I was “young & beautiful”. That’s a weird feeling, tied to getting older, I imagine. Now I parade my self around & don’t even care. I finally discovered that we wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of us if we knew  how seldom they did. All those kids whose judgement I dreaded in High School felt just the same as I did, I have discovered. I would never do anything in front of anyone for fear of ridicule. No running in PE, as few oral book reports as possible, that kind of stuff. It was even sometimes hard to eat in front of people. I sure got over that one! Now I’m bowling. What a hoot.

February 7, 2010

be dazzlin’

by badmammy

I know that my photographic technique is a little lacking but imagine all of those blobs of light were clear, sharp prisms, cuz that’s what it really looks like around this whole room.

In the middle pic if you squint just right you can see something round hanging from the middle one of the three light fixture. That hanging object is my disco ball! I won it this year at High School Best Friend’s Annual Chinese Gift Party. It’s a mini ball, about six inch diameter.

We’ve got a 10 foot long window way up high facing east. I’ve got the best view from my custom contoured love seat looking upward through those windows. Have I mentioned that we got “NEW WINDOWS!?? We can see the moon thru her various faces when she is in that part of the sky. She starts at one end of the window & works her way across little by little each night. The sun has her own rotation going. Perhaps I could explain this whole thing better but I didn’t pay attention in High School.

Anyway, this morning the sun came in at just the right angle to hit the disco ball. It was so dang beautiful. I was inside a big prism.

February 4, 2010

wtf . . . . . and i mean w t f

by badmammy

What was I thinking? I’ve been saying those very words a lot lately. I know that Reikisister told me that this would be a year of changes. I laughed, “yeah, yah, aren’t they all?”  “No” she says, putting her hand on my arm, “I mean it”.

Guess what? She meant it. Today is February 2nd & I am here to testify that the girl meant it.

I have just returned from “our” second agility prep class. Us being Uno & I; the fastest, runnin’est, jumpin’est dog in the universe & her earth bound mama. And I do mean earth bound. This is either going to physically lay me out or help me towards my chosen lifestyle changes. I know I can do this, and I fully intend to,  I’m just sayin . . . . . . I’m exhausted. And, to make it even more interesting, my friend K was right, the mental part is even harder. The rules are totally different from those of raising service dogs. Those are the only rules Uno & I know so it is a learning experience for us. Concentration is required. I’m going to have to pay attention.

For homework last week we had to play tug with 2 toys that are just alike. Uno doesn’t do such things.  To quote Tom Jones, “she’s a lady”. (whooooaaa, whoooaaa, woaaaaaaa) (I know you sang it) I spent most of the week boppin  & wrasslin Uno’s head with the toys. I was gassed out but she finally sort of got it. Wheeee, I’d squeal. I sang endless high pitched  doggie songs while practicing my “hopping”. Finally, slowly  Uno started to “get that chewie”. Yipeeeee, wheeeeheeeee, I get her to jump on the bed and then workin releases from far away, doing very well. This goes on for what seems like hours. We are not making much progress, but some, with our down.

Last night we jumped over low hurdles & walked on a 2×8 & then a ladder laid on the floor. Not as easy as one might think. You are chummin the dog along & need to have the treat down near the board or ladder so the dog is learning to focus on the board & not on you or your hand. At the same time you are trying to retain a strong body stance, upright & in control.  Easy for the wee folk but not so much for me. Of course, eventually the treat will be removed & I will be running.

We are going to continue working on our down this coming week. Along with playing & tugging fun. We’re watching a tv show on some obscure channel about sheep trials. I’m awe inspired & hope Uno is picking up tips.

February 1, 2010

heavy load

by badmammy

It’s happening. Happening for real. I have carped about my weight for years and made little attempts here & there to lose some. I realized the other day that I’ve never been serious before. Just loud & irritating. You know I say enjoy your vices or get rid of them. My love of candy has always won. I savor that chocolate as it slides down my throat & onto my butt. Now candylove is facing serious challenges.

Things have been in movement around this house for a few months now. Cleaning, getting rid of stuff, not dragging  home new stuff (the hardest by far), you get it. Plus now that Big Daddy is retired, he is home all the time. In the last week we have changed our tv provider, internet provider & gotten ourselves cellphones. No text, talk only & never while driving.

The other day some elastic exercise bands appeared at our house. The next day I see BD using them. I find him on the floor in the bedroom stretching. We take walks. We talk about cutting things our of our daily diets. We quit buying ice cream every time the car stops.

He bookmarks pages on my laptop. I go thru all of the meal plans, clicking what I want to eat next Thursday. I fill out week one of a two week plan. We make a grocery list. We’re going to the store this afternoon to stock up.

This totally goes against the grain for me. I mocked & scorned folks who made menus, etc. I mean, they’re fine if you have an army to feed or something like that. Back when my son was growing up I bought my standards; bread, peanut butter, milk,  meats, a block of velveta, etc. I cooked basically the same rotation of stuff on whatever day I wanted. No menu, no fuss. That, I know without a doubt, is why I am doing all of this. I will be forced to admit that having menus makes everything easier. Grocery shopping will be what is on the list, that’s all. This is a big change for me but also somewhat of a relief. Now I don’t have to think about what I going to eat next or buy.

Where is all of this going? What about Taco Tuesday? We are just going to hold on & try. That’s all we can do.  I ‘ve got to stop singing “I love candy”. Get a new tune & reprogram my head.