Archive for ‘by Bad Mammy’

December 18, 2011

they call it stormy monday but tuesdays just as bad

by badmammy

Another of the never ending series of events that have happened to me under the “Everything I’ve Ever Mocked, I’ve Become.” category.

The garage door decided to become unwound in some cable snappin kind of way last Friday evening. You know, when you can’t do anything about it without paying someone their “emergency” rate. The time & day of repair people live for. Ka-ching. Well, that really isn’t an option, so called, left msg, resigned self to parking on the street for a few nights. I decided to be thankful no one was hurt & that my car wasn’t trapped inside.

My car has never slept outside like that. Not very often, anyway. Every time I wanted to hop in my car & go somewhere, I’ve done it, scoffing at the poor fools driving frosted cars. Cars covered in show and ice. Even when my car wouldn’t start in the morning cuz the battery was shot & it is colder than heck outside, my car was not frosted. It was in the garage.

Back in the day, when I only had a carport, I had done the start your car, let it run with the defroster on high thing. This method worked for me for years. By the time I finished doin my hair, the frozen windshield  could be easily cleared by a couple o swipes o the wipers. I do not recommend this method anymore cuz now days if you blink your eyes while your car is runnin without you in it, that thing is GONE.

Anyway, call was returned & garage door man would be able to come look at it in four days. Sigh . . that long? Will you call if he can get here sooner? Sure, sure. Bye, bye.

OK, I think, a few more frosty car days won’t hurt. The main big drag, really,is that I have to park facing west, so only the front window is iced up. If the neighborhood nazzies hadn’t sent me a letter about me & mine for parking in the “wrong” direction so many times, I’d just turn the car around, facing east & the sun. The rear window has a really good defroster but not the front. Besides, we live on a corner & when you swing into our hood you are in front o the house, lookin east, the wrong way. It’s so easy. So much better than going down the street, makin a loop & coming back. The car still takes up the same amount of space, I say,no matter which way it faces. They say it will get hit. I point out the car didn’t get any wider either & why are they driving in the gutter anyway. Of course, we still do it, as does our neighbor, but not over night. I don’t want to hear it.

Anyway, I wound up, in the grueling light of dawn, early, scraping ice off of my windows with a Costco card, while the defroster blasted from the inside. I knew, in that moment, that, once again, I had become what I mocked. I had one of those little awakening moments.

After getting a little patch of clear window directly above the blowers big enoug to see through, I turned the car around & scraped my window some more. I knew it served me right. What was I crying about? Flashback to Dad’s voice sayin he’d give me something to cry about.

I have a lot in my life. I know this. I have so many people I hold dear. I try to keep in mind how grateful I am for all I am blessed with. It is far from a done deal, but I keep assuming an attitute of gratitude in the hopes that it will abide within & without me.

On my way to work that morning, late, during the busiest time of the year, knowin what was gonna happen the moment I unlocked that back door & went in. Ka-Boom. Then I saw a guy waiting for a bus, in the cold wind, with a tire

With a tire! I’ve got a whole car. I took this as a sign that one does not have to look far to see something to remind your of how much you do have.

April 24, 2011

jesus take the wheel

by badmammy

I was sitting in line at the drive thru bank, lookin around & groovin on the sunny day. Across the parking lot I spy two people walking, carrying signs & the guy was dragging a great big cross. Ok, it was Good Friday & there is always lots of walking folks on pilgrimage, large & small, in this part of the country but not usually in this part of town & they were headed west, not north. They were whipping right along, maintaining a good pace & I couldn’t make out the signs. Further investigation was called for.

I finished up my depo & cruised the parking lot, on the look out. I ease out into traffic, not yet sure which direction I need to go . . . . there they are! How did they get so far? dang. I cruise up behind them, slow, & they turn to wave their signs at me & I wave back a peace sign. “Jesus loves you”, one of my all time faves, & there is writing all over the cross that I can’t make out. My eyes travel down the cross toward the ground, wishing they would slow down so I could read it, dang it, where is the camera when I need it & then I see it. A wheel!

The secret to their seeming ease of carrying the cross; a stoke of genius! A wheel, bright & shiny, new. The faithful had just left Lowes & were hurrying to the highway. Why didn’t Jesus think of that?

February 3, 2011

i don’t give a rats ass about charlie sheen

by badmammy

Snow bound & cranky. I actually begged for candy from the store. That is the crisis of my little world. I’m listening to the world news on the telly. The crisis of the world is some little fight in Egypt & Charlie Sheen’s fucked up excuses about his serious little life. Can’t we see that all the poor dude wants is to be left alone to self destruct & kill himself? His Errol Flynn references in his latest press release in this never ending hell bound train wreck clearly let us know he wishes to emulate this hero & go out with a bang. This world is too painful & tortured to live in for the highest paid actor on television.

jeez, cut a junkie some slack, badmammy . . . . sure, maybe what pisses me off is that his “lifestyle” has been enabled & endorsed by everyone around him & as long as he showed up for work, it was all good.

And the joke of the home schooled rehab is a real pisser. Believe me, I know that this idea only works if you want it & then it don’t matter where you are.

Meanwhile, I’ve let the whole thing put me in a crabby chocolate jonesin cliche ridden mood.

This is the life I love.

November 21, 2010

just 24 little hours

by badmammy

What a difference a day makes. . . . . I had asked myself a lot of questions & realized I needed to make peace with the insanity of my job or quit. I went in on Saturday to get some extra practice & schoolin before THE RUSH begins on Black Friday. Saturday was the Postal Mgr’s day off & I could work with M, who happens to be very good at teaching. I knew it would be easier there for me without PM”s screaming & tearing up. I also knew that she would probably show up sometime just to check on us. If things got snippy or ugly with PM in any way, I had decided to “vote with my feets”.

We were happily working along, I was doing all kinds of stuff I hadn’t been “allowed” to before & there was another new girl there too. Even the Big Boss Man had wandered in & was checking out the scene.  Sure enough, here comes the PM. She sees what we’re doing & tries to tear up that I’m “doing it wrong” but M steps in & calmly says “no, it’s ok”. PM sputters something, having to have the last word. I kept my head down & bubble wrapped the hell out of some pottery, then peanuted a box within an inch of it’s life. I taped that thing together. Then I started an intense conversation with a customer over a prayer shawl she was shipping. She made it & it was beautiful. I was silently wishing I could stick my head under it & hide. PM was shooting daggers & I could see her face getting all red & mad at me. I knew Monday, if there was one for me, would be hell to pay. I thought I’d wait until she left & then tell BBM that I couldn’t be there anymore.

PM had pulled her truck around to the front & was going to load a piece of furniture into it. I went out to help her, we lifted it in & bungeed everything down. I went back inside. When I looked back around she had pulled her truck into a parking spot & BBM was out there talking to her. They talked awhile. When I looked back out they were gone.

Long story short, BBM came in the back door & told us he had just fired her.

this is what my ever lovin man fixed me for breakfast this morning (that’s his handmade red) & last night he bought “us” a whole bag of Dove chocolates. life is good.

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November 19, 2010

sorry is as sorry does

by badmammy

“I’m sorry. I was being selfish.”

I heard the words come out of my mouth & realized in a flash that I had indeed been acting selfishly, selfish in a way that must stop. It’s not that I throw sorries around right & left without thinking about it, it’s that it was hard to admit, I meant it & knew as I said the words just how true they were. It just hadn’t hit me until then.

Oh sure, blah, blah, blah, I’ve been swimming upstream at my new job, trying to learn something complicated. Being Postal is a lot of work. (new job is at a postal place, mail boxes, shipping, packing, etc) The job is physical, which I am not used to. It is amazing how out of shape one can get lying around the house playing farmtown on the laptop. The job is also mentally hard, lots of numbers, forms, weights, meters,  . . . . . . numbers! Ah, numbers, my strong suit, NOT! There is also a strong element of drama going on between the other employees that I state over & over again I do not want to participate in. I will not carry tales & I will not spy. It pisses them off. Too bad.

Here comes the old “be careful what you wish for”, I know. I did want a challenge. I do need a job, I asked the universe for this. But, dang, at what cost?

I like my job but I get tired. I hurt all over sometimes. All I want to do is crawl in bed with a book & my doggie & cover my head.

That’s all fine & dandy. But it has been going on too long. I have to ask myself some hard questions. Have I been using my difficulties at work as a shield to hide behind? Have I used this trouble to give me something to focus on while I deny facing the reality of losing a friend & watching loved ones suffer their own illnesses? Why am I letting it drag me down? I have to admit that I’m not near as physically tired as I was when I first started. The mental part really pulls me down, tho. Has dragging home & limping to bed become a habit? Since when have I become someone who puts up with shit over a part-time job? Does my failure to catch on as fast as I am used to learning new things mean that I’m getting old & it’s the menopausal brain shutting down? Is my failure to grasp the difference between priority & express just my brains way of encouraging my feets to run?

How long do I endure a frustrating situation before I hear my mother’s voice, “well, girl, you must like it. You keep runnin back for more”?

So, yes, I have let a crappy situation come between me & my life.

Thank God I have good friends, family & a wonderful support system. I’m hard on them at times, I know. I haven’t shown up, I haven’t called very often. That’s just wrong of me, work drama or no work drama.

So, this morning as I sit here counting my blessings & reflecting on the goodness in my life, number one is gratitude & appreciation for a friend who cares enough about me to tell me bout myself when I caused her unnecessary worry & concern at a time when I really, really shouldn’t have.

Toothfairy, I love you.

November 7, 2010

I want to bitch slap a kid

by badmammy

I want to bitch slap a kid. Not that I would and the kid’s not real anyway, so simmer down.

There’s a commercial on tv that drives me wild. In it a very cute curly headed little junior goes on & on about a minivan. At the end he declares his parents are “lame” due to which van they choose to drive. I can’t be the only one who “fails” this commercial. I most decidedly do not want to rush out & buy one of these vans after being called lame. Who is this little bully & why does he feel that a brand of vehicle makes us who & what we are? Why would someone so young even care? This leads me into a rant about the values & mores of the world today & how sick & sad all that is. You know, the old what’s this world comin to??? I’m gonna stop myself right here.

I must be feeling a little old & threatened or shakey because something as meaningless & banal as a tv commercial usually wouldn’t have the power to bug me. I can’t help it, though. I want to get out the clippers & shave that little punk’s head. It’s all his fault that I turn into a grouchy old woman complaining about rudeness, manners & what’s wrong with these people.

Sure, I understand the kid is a child actor playing a role, saying words written for him by someone else, chosen precisely because of that hair. And he is awful cute. I bear him no ill will. I wish I had that hair. And I get it that the folks who came up with the concept for this commercial are doing their jobs & that they have succeeded because, good or bad, here I am discussing & cussing it. I noticed it. That is their goal.

But, who are they, the ad folks? Young graduates starting a career, dealing with demographics, focus groups & all that fancy stuff? Did all of the work & effort of more than one committee & endless meetings come to the conclusion that rudeness was cute? Yeah, they did. Maybe it is cute to them. Precocious children have always been used to sell us tons of crap we don’t need & I admit, most of the time they don’t bug me so much. I know tv isn’t real, not even the reality shows, & that’s a large part of why I love it.

Obviously it is time to put on some shoes & go outside, look up at the most beautiful sky ever & play with the doggie. . . . time to get over my damn self.


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October 23, 2010

daily grin: october 22, 2010

by badmammy

October 21, 2010

daily grin

by badmammy

Every day when I go out & about in the world I look for something to make me grin. I like to start each day with a good attitude, if I can. B I G challenge. I’m usually grumpy about having to leave home so, I look for something to make me smile.

Today’s daily grin: a dude  totally rocking out on his air guitar while he waited at the bus stop. He had headphones on so I don’t know what he was playing but his eyes were closed & his back was arched so I know it was good!

October 17, 2010

post wedding report

by badmammy

OK, so I wore cords & they were from JJill. It all went off smoothly. I was aprehensive about wearing pants to a wedding & the fact that they were black really piled on the anxiety until I got there & looked around. I looked downright colorful with my watermelon colored “belbet” shirt & black pants. I wore a bolo tie that belonged to one of the guests. It had come apart during the rehearsal dinner the night before so Big Daddy took it home with us, fixed it & I was to return it. I had it on so I wouldn’t forget. heeheee, you know I wound up wearing it the whole ceremony. I had hot rolled the hair & shot it full of hairspray. I was rosy cheeked, smiled a lot & tried to stay out of the pictures.

First of all, the rehearsal dinner was fun, fun, fun & I wound up in love with the whole crazy bunch. Meeting BB’s parents was a blast & I have to say they are some of the bravest folks I know. They were so fun & full of love for their baby girl & wanted to participate to the fullest in a “real American” wedding. I introduced myself to them, they told me their names & bowed, I bowed, they bowed, I bowed, they bowed, I bowed. Getting lower with each bow, MamaSan was dang near bumpin her forehead on the floor when it occurred to me that perhaps I should stop bowing. I had to laugh out loud at myself & that set them off. We were laughing.

PapaSan wanted to give the bride away, doing the traditional step, pause, step, pause, up the aisle.

After we got everyone situated I told them all to take their time & enjoy the moments, it will go by too fast as it is so don’t rush it. breathe.

We had a yummy “horsesoveries” happy hour, ran through the logistics, I talked to LG & BB about what they wanted to say. Mainly I looked at the face’s. Everyone was genuinely happy. I could see the love shine in the HC’s eyes, in the the love of parents wanting only to make their children happy, the shining of lifelong friends, rowdy with love that the first one of the bros was getting married. The room buzzed with love & laughter. I piled another lump of quac & a mini pig-in-a-blanket on my plate & wondered what I was going to say.

The wedding was wonerful (haha, a typo but i have to leave it!). The venue, a hotel in the Old Town area, was the perfect set up. The weather cooperated & we were able to be outdoors, under the arbor. The sun was setting. The air felt great.

My heart broke open & I gasped out loud when the doors opened & PapaSan & BB walked out. They slow stepped toward us. All I could see were the faces. To think, I thought they had been shining a lot up until now. The love was palpable, it punched everyone in the gut. I heard a lot of sobbing.

I’d like to think my words were inspiring & meaningful. I worried over them, that’s for sure. I wasn’t too nervous; determined not to let it show. I know my voice wavered at one point when I messed up on a word & I let that throw me. Then I rushed the ending. On the positive side, it was going great right up until the end & I had even gotten a laugh.

I know I keep saying the same thing, but it’s true. I can still see the whole ceremony in slow mo, the faces of LG & BB, as they gazed at each other & held hands. Beyond them, the shine of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles. friends. The emotion hung in the air. The hearts beat in one rhythm.

“Beloved guests, I introduce you to Mr & Mrs Happy Couple!”


horsesoveries, with a tip o the hat to my Aunt Millie, one of my heros & one of the funniest folks ever lived

October 10, 2010

and the preacher wore levis

by badmammy

Egad! I am procrastinating up a storm. I’ve got a wedding ceremony to perform Wednesday evening & I need to get to writing. Today’s anxiety level is orange. Please be alert & careful where you step.

First of all,  I am honored to be invited to participate. The Happy Couple are my friend’s son, Lucky Groom,  & his fiance. I haven’t met them yet. I meet them Tuesday night at the rehearsal dinner, to be held at LG”s parents home. The Blushing Bride is Japanese & her parents are flying in for the event. I’ve heard they don’t speak much English. BB has requested the ceremony not include any talking by the HC other than “I do”. LG has requested no God or any of that stuff as there really won’t be any Christians in the house, between the Hippies & the Buddaist.

The HC are having a small, family, “regular” wedding in the US then will go to Japan at a future date, TBA,  for a Japanese wedding.  They reside in CA but LG’s family home is here.

I have to write something meaningful & loving without offending anyone. Hahahah. No anxiety there. This whole episode is sorta surreal. Be careful what you throw out into the universe. I have presented myself as a competent individual who is qualified to do this. So, now I gotta do it. Wheeeee! The thrill of the fear.

PLUS, and most importantly, what am I gonna wear????? I’ve gotta go with my motto of already having everything you need, just look around yourself. The famous wedding dress is out. I’ve got to adapt to Fall in NM. Glorious Fall in NM! I’m going with a velvet watermelon colored shirt, turquoise jewelry & jeans. I’m thinkin’  I will even pull off the famous shoes with this outfit. After all, everyone will be looking at BB.  I’ll slather on some makeup & keep smiling.