Posts tagged ‘blankie’

June 6, 2009

blankie

by badmammy

ring of loveThe last 2-3 weeks have been a surreal, black hole, parallel existence version of my life. Including (but not limited to) manning the death vigil of a loved one & all of machinations that followed. Throw in a sinus head that blew up to the size of a State Fair punkin & you begin to get an idea. I couldn’t even lay around & read. My weepin eyes could not take it, nor the distraction of tv or laptop. Sleep for 3 days & nights then join the marathon midway. The Midway was a regular rolley coaster of love & pain; spiritual pain & physical pain. Standing up in the midst of other’s pains, pain much greater than my own. Feeling helpless yet helpful. Scared but fearless. Shoving things aside but realizing what is important. Telling myself to just look mean ole Mr Fear in the face & deal. Let the fear come. Sit with it. Find the love in it. Be the pack leader.

 

I certainly do not demean the experience with my nervous attempt at humor above but reread what I had just written & gagged a little. No, no, I am serious. It was a blessing & a priveledge to be allowed to participate & help my sisters & fam. It was such a loving, beautiful experience & God knows I loved that Little Mama. The hole she left in our universe is large enough to suck us inside out. I do know that.

 

In all that pain I was somehow able to find joy. The joy did not diminish the pain. HillBilly Heroin did that. The Sisters soldiered on, just as if Little Mama was calling the shots, as, indeed, she was & always will. It hurt like crazy scissors but I was thrillin on being a part of it. To be able to feel the preciousness of the generations like a cape. To snuggle against the chill under that cape. To share a blankie.

 

Dang, I love this fam. And how I miss the ones out of reach.

Tags: ,